It’s the Most Hectic (I Mean Wonderful) Time of the Year
All year I look forward to the holiday season with anticipation and excitement. Every year it gains a sense of wonder for me all over again. Our lives change, our perspective changes, but there is still this childlike expectation of the holidays for me. Kind of a sugar plum fairy dream state if you will. I speak for myself because the holidays evoke a lot of emotions and bring up a lot of baggage for people. For me though, all that seems to disappear (at least in part) throughout the course of the year as we crescendo toward the Christmas season. By the time the holiday season rolls back around, I have a Clark Griswold-ian type of grandiosity that has grown in my head of what I think the holidays will be. I make plans of watching all my favorite Christmas movies by the fireplace (which I do not have). Snuggling with a cup of hot cocoa by myself (yet my roommates are there and none of us bought hot cocoa). Baking both new and classic Christmas cookies in my apron with ease (but it takes an entire day just for me to finish baking the staples and my back is killing me after five hours – and I completely forgot to even put on the apron). Putting up the Christmas tree (make that trees, plural, because I do too much all the time). Decorating the Christmas trees (breaking out from fake pine rash…which alas, is actually still better than real pine rash). Buying presents (despite my best efforts end up being last minute while I wait for that second check in December to hit). Wrapping Christmas presents, coordinating the wrapping, bows, and finding some Pinterest-eque theme for all the packages (which always ends up being rushed because I am OCD and want all the presents bought before I start wrapping process – then I remember that the bow and ribbons crush so I cannot even complete the masterpiece until right before I deliver the gift). Participating in Christmas events; such as, Christkindlmarket (never been because it is cold outside), caroling (have not done that since I was forced as a child because it is cold outside), and Christmas tree lighting ceremonies at varying venues (not doing it because…it is cold outside). Do you get the picture now? I build things up in my mind and then when it comes down to it, it is just not what I imagined or pictured.
Much of the reason that these yuletide desires do not come to fruition is because of the hectic nature of the season. Some of the plans just never happen because I tried to cram in too much holly jolly glee into the short few weeks that we have, all the while still doing normal life (guess I forgot about normal life when I was making all these cheermeister plans). When my plans do play out, they end up terribly skewed from what I had imagined in my mind. I will admit - I am a dreamer, but also a little type A. Not a full on perfectionist because I came to the realization long ago of my inability to be perfect, but I still want everything to be exactly the way I want it. As such, it is constant cleaning, cooking, cleaning, baking, cleaning, shopping, cleaning, prepping, cleaning, parties, and cleaning. In an effort to try to attend as many events as I can (indoors of course) so that I can feel like I have really participated in as much Christmas as possible…in an effort to be a fraudulent knock off of Paul Hollywood and Martha Stewart’s love child...I end up disappointed, exhausted and sadden that the holidays went by all too quickly like they do and I missed so much of the joy that I look forward to. The hectic schedules and expectations (of myself and of others) bring Christmas to a clattering bumpy end.
As I write this blog, it is almost midnight. I just came back from another very fun event with friends, which was a good time, as most of the events and parties are. Yet it was another very long day of last minute budgeting, Christmas gift shopping, and Christmas wrapping shopping (those wrapping “masterpieces” that I referred to earlier…yeah most of those do not even end up getting wrapped, just thrown it in a bag with tissue because I run out of time). During the craziness of running around I also definitely did the bougie thing and got a grande, non-fat, no whip, peppermint mocha with only half the syrup (so that my teeth do not fall out) from a coffee house that shall not be named because this is not a paid sponsorship situation! It was all good. I felt accomplished by the first half of the day and enjoyment in the second half of the day. Then I got home. My body crashed. First it told me, “Girl, I am tired. Please take off this makeup and put on those new Victoria’s Secret pajamas you bought for yourself (when you should have been shopping for everyone else on your list). Then get your tail in BED for the love of baby Jesus.” As I was getting ready for bed then my body told me, “Yo, you said that you were going to do a holiday blog on busyness. Didn’t you even post on Insta that you were going to write this blog and you were posting so you would have accountability to make time in your busy holiday schedule? How’s that going Holly Jolly Jingles, jumping from one holiday event to the next? I think you might be struggling with the holiday hustle and grind because you, my friend, are losing sight of what is important. Speaking of baby Jesus…how is that relationship going for you???” Knife to my soul. How is that going for me…not great this year, not great.
I had good intentions. Thanksgiving weekend I even decided I was going to an Advent study from last year because Advent studies are not available until the first Sunday of December (because that is when Advent begins after all). I was so irritated. How can I get my soul ready for the Christmas season if you all are going to WAIT until the first Sunday in December? What was wrong with them?! These Christian devo people needed to get it together. It is Christmas, can we please get on our spiritual growth with Christ…AT CHRISTMASTIME?!?! So, as you can clearly see, I was feeling a little high and mighty over here on my jingle throne. To prove that I was going to keep the focus on Jesus this Christmas I sure did start that study from last year, I really did. The first week – crushed it. [Side note: devos, for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about, is short for devotionals or meditation time basically where one takes time reading the Bible and being in prayer to grow in their faith, understanding, and relationship with God.] Yeah…not something I need to be crushing so much as doing because I want to genuinely grow in my faith. This study really should not have been something to check off of the massive holiday list of things to do, but I did…for that first week. That second week (which would have been the first week of Advent had I been paying attention) things really ramped up for the holidays. My schedule was jam packed. I do not even know how many errands and events I had. It is all a bit of a blur now. I do know though, that I spent absolutely zero time in the Bible and not more than a couple quick toss up prayers. Yeah no, did not do it. Fell off that self-righteous jingle throne pretty quick.
If I had been keeping score with myself like I was the first week, I was no longer crushing it. Opposite of crushing it. It was more like me on a deserted island with no food, sun burned, barely surviving, with nothing except a coconut that I am desperately trying to crack open, but forgot my coconut-cracker-opener-thingy (obviously I do not eat coconuts otherwise I would know what that thing is called) because I was in too much of a rush to get stranded on this deserted island. Not amazing really is what I am getting at. Then the Holy Spirit sent me a little reminder that my faith is not about keeping score. The whole point of Jesus being sent as that baby in the manager was so that He could abolish the law that was impossible to keep. God knew I could not live up to that standard (come on now, I cannot even do it for a week and there were a million other times that week that I screwed up on everything else too). It is funny because the week before I was sitting over here every day reading footnotes, taking detailed notes, and thinking about how great my spiritual health was this holiday season. [Pause: sometimes I wonder if God is looking down on me and shaking His head all day everyday (#smhmychild). I know He is far more gracious and loving than that though, but that is what I would do if I were Him. I would just be shaking my head at me (actually…I do that a lot of the time).] Moral of the story is the same as it always is, not so shockingly – I am a messy, messy human who cannot get it together.
Instead of remembering the reason for the season (which by the way, we need a new phrase for that because I have always thought that was a bit lame – like why does it have to rhyme though?), I fell into the age old trap of busyness, commercialism, perfectionism, and checklist-ism. A wreck. Then there I am again, disappointed with myself because I am not taking the time to remember WHY we have a Christmas season at all. While I was multitasking on the Stairmaster and Treadmill trying to burn off some of this excess sugar intake of the holiday season, I was watching this movie on Netflix. The Star, is the name of the movie, which came out last year. I do follow some of people who do the voiceovers for the movie, so I saw plenty of Insta posts about it last year. Never watched it. Unpaid promotion for the movie too by the way. The reason (well, reasons because there is more than one) that I bring this movie up is that: a) it is a cartoon, b) it is super cute, c) has voiceovers by legit actors, and d) is actually about the story of the birth of Jesus. Some creative license was taken of course, but it really is quite a good movie. By the time the film was ending I was now stretching out on the mat and was about to burst into tears, which by the way would not have been the first time that happened. Between The Star, A Charlie Brown Christmas the other night, my internal voice reflection tonight, and just having started a long overdue vacation from the job…I realized what I really need this Christmas…is some Christ in my Christmas. Restarting my Jesus time now! Hopefully in a less self-righteous way this time, in a more genuine way this time, and in a more real way this time. Which after all, is what this blog (and my life) are really all about Charlie Brown. Merry Christmas friends and to all a good night (NOW I can take my tail to bed)!
Scripture:
“ Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.” Isaiah 7:14 (NIV)
“But when [Joseph] had considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.’ Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: ‘Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,’ which translated means, ‘God with us.’ And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.” Matthew 1:20-25 (NASB)
“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Luke 2:8-14 (KJV – It just sounds the best in King James to me.)